Results:
As you can see from this diagram, my hypothesis is completely wrong. There is no relationship between the control variable and the results.
Lessons Learned:
My theories, and that of my mentors, and perhaps the entire Western scientific establishment are completely and utterly false. All of our efforts for the past 30 years have been based on flawed premises.
Further research:
While my young assistants should be able to find retail jobs, I and some of the other senior members of the field fear that we are too old to learn anything anymore, so we planned to become homeless people. While I have distracted you with this depressing tale, they have stolen most of equipment from our laboratory and sold it to illegal chemists (drugs, explosives, etc). We plan to use the money to buy knives and basic food supplies. Which will come in handy as we ride freight trains across the country.
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