there is no true friendship without the possibility of true pain - though it might just be a tad less probable.
i will sleep with people that i do not particularly like because i think they are sexy and i will have friendships (true ones too) but never even consider having sex with them. i might just be a true child of my society but i actually think that that is quite ok.
as i see it the pain from relationship seems to become less (though it still fucking hurts) while the pain occasioned by friendships becomes more even if rather diffuse as i grow older.
reason1: i do get to know and to like myself more which makes me pick my partners with more care and which makes the world not fall into an abyss if he cares less or more than i do. i will not love that easily anymore i will love with a certain caution. with the same heat but with less schizophrenia. and less demands.
reason2: at the period of life i am in right now (finished education, moving around, reassessing what i have, etc) it becomes obvious that i change and friends change. even true friends. ensuing metaphorical chills, ensuing quarrels, ensuing not having enough time for them or they for me causes severer pain where love usually hurt. and makes me realize that the one thing i did still take for granted might just not be: true friendship. (which is a good thing too: you should never take anything for granted but enjoy it if it is there against all odds)
i actually do think that closeness and intimacy is possible with a man, even though I and he have taken our blows straight into the face.
i also think that never, not in friendship not in love you should give all of yourself, there should be a certain area of privacy, where you are only with yourself.
this will be a last resource in times of happyness and days of sorrow.
or it is for me.
ps: i apologize for my commanding tone. |